Months ago, I made a bet with my homie that there would be no iPhone 5 this year. Someone now is in debt to me for a steak dinner that won’t be cheap (swag). Even though this keynote was a “zzzzzzzzzz” fest, I should still say #THANKYOUIPHONE4S
Before you Applehead minions grab torches and pitchforks and storm my comments section repeating back everything you read on TechCrunch, let me first elaborate on the genesis of my skepticism… Continue reading
Remember the good ole days when almost everything you did online was free? So it was only maybe about a year ago, but still. Do you remember? FREE Pandora, no such thing as Hulu Plus…and no NYTimes.com pay wall. My oh my, have “the Times” changed. Losing full access NYTimes.com was extra brutal given how much it’s contributed to my knowledge of current events. But with the current state of the newspaper industry, any 2k11 Yuppie should be able to understand why they had to cut the plug on all of that free and unlimited news they so generously provided in digital format. And personally, as a 2k11 Yuppie who has been a loyal reader of the New York Times for the past six or so years, this was a change that I had to come to grips with.
So naturally, I started reading NPR.com a lot more often instead. And boy am I happy I did that! You see, without NPR, I certainly wouldn’t have received word of possibly the biggest scientific breakthrough of this week. Yes, you guessed it…
Scientists have finally cracked why spilled coffee leaves those mysterious rings on the table! As a former regular drinker of coffee, who has spent years pondering the truth behind this phenomena, when I read that the mystery had finally been solved it meant I would finally have closure. I legit cried tears of joy.
Nah, I’m totally bullshitting.
If anything, I almost threw my laptop across the room like a Wham-O Frisbee. I won’t even bother summarizing the article for you. Be grateful I even went so far as to include the link. This one sentence should explain my sentiments entirely.
It’s taken physicists more than a decade to figure out why this effect, known technically as “the coffee ring effect,” happens. But now they think they have an answer.
I’m not sure what confuses me more, the fact that there are physicists have been trying to figure out the mystery behind counter top coffee stains for 10+ years or that after 10+ years they only THINK they have an answer. I don’t know about you, but as a non-physicist I’d be much more happy if they told me they have figured out the mystery behind something a lot more practical like, you know…say, time travel for starters? How David Blaine does that levitating trick in Street Magic, perhaps? Not only that, but I picked up a set of glass coasters this year (for $5 at that) with the intention that it would PREVENT me from losing sleep over nonsense like coffee rings.
I mean really, we’re talmbout coffee rings. Not the coffee, that you drink everyday just to get by…coffee rings (make sure you read that last sentence in your best Allen Iverson press conference voice though). I’d bet a months rent that somewhere there were aliens doing the dougie through a corn field to make crop circles whose origins will go forever unsolved, while these scientists were studying coffee rings on tables. And don’t think I forgot about you NPR. Could this possibly be big news? If not, then why would you write about it? All you had to say was “and then the scientists found 20 bucks” at the end and this story would’ve been more interesting.
This is just another reason why I’m so glad I cut back on coffee. I don’t need to be putting anything into my body that would cause mass hysteria in the science community if I spilled it.
Unless of course, it’s beer.
-Millsy F.
We all know Google pretty well at this point: the behemoth of the search engine and free e-mail universe. Then of course there’s Android, Google Docs, Google Reader, Google Buzz, Blogger (cough), Google Voice…hell, most of you probably already have a Google+ account by this point, right? But how many of you have ever laid eyes on your Google Dashboard page…?
Yes, you do have one. You may not have known that you do, but you do. It’s this lonely little link you’ll find at the bottom of the privacy settings of your Google account and it contains a significant wealth of information about pretty much everything you do online. Viewing it for the first time is probably going to shock you. You’ve been warned.
See, the normal folks without fancy liberal arts degrees and WordPress blogs probably don’t know this, but it’s scientifically proven that the feeling you get when you look at your Google dashboard for the first time is equivalent to the feeling you’d get from viewing the tape from a closed circuit camera that caught you shoplifting from a homeless shelter. Doesn’t matter who you are either. Mother Theresa probably wouldn’t have liked what she saw if she checked her Google dashboard. I bet you President Obama has never EVER checked his Google dashboard before making a public appearance either. The public wouldn’t appreciate that expression of shame and angst while he’s trying to tell us that our economy is looking up.
I was no exception when I viewed my own dashboard for the first time the other day. There in front of me was a history of everything I’ve ever done on Google’s watch. They have data on everything from the potentially embarrassing (YouTube viewing history) to the absolutely embarrassing (web search history), all laid out nicely for you to see. Sprinkled in there was my purchase history, e-mail history, location history, chat history (including who you contact the most) and a list of the all the trashy sites whose RSS feeds I subscribe to. And being that I’ve been a loyal user of Google’s FREE products for several years now, the data they have on me goes pretty far back…
Keep in mind that there wasn’t a single service that I wasn’t aware that I was using and equally aware that Google was collecting “anonymous” data from me pretty much 24/7. I’m also not complaining that all that information can be accessed all on one page. Hell, there probably wasn’t even much in there that I haven’t already admitted on this blog! I just didn’t need to be reminded in such a traumatic fashion, that’s all. So after a long survey of my own dashboard, where at some point my heart resumed its’ normal beating pattern, I swiftly closed the page….with no intentions on viewing it ever again. I then boogied on over to my account settings and changed my password about 5 times. You know, for good measure.
Don’t act like you didn’t do the same thing when you first saw your own dashboard though. No one likes people knowing that much of anything about them. The truth is that it doesn’t matter how trivial the information is; knowing that much about any one stranger so comprehensively is a surefire way to completely freak them out. If someone was to come up to me and tell me they could name every single stick of deodorant that I’ve purchased in the past 2 years, in order, I’d probably shove them really really hard and then run away, out of fear that they were secretly out to ruin me or something.
Here’s a trick. Do you really want to tell if your significant other really loves you? Ask them to let you spend 10 minutes in their Google dashboard. I’m being completely serious. Next time you’re with your pooh bear or sugar plum, look them dead in the face and say “hey babe, can I take a look at your Google dashboard for a sec? I think mine may be broken, some things aren’t showing up” and then watch their facial expression change. If he or she looks at you and says “…no.” then guess what: they love you more than anything else on this Earth. They love you so much they could never live with the thought of you bearing the burden of access to years and years of their Gchat convos and browsing history. They don’t want you stressing over what YouTube videos they were watching at 1 in the morning on a Wednesday. They care far too much about you to subject you to that. Trust me on this.
So do yourself a favor if you haven’t already done so. Go check your dashboard, but only once. And always remember: those who don’t study web history are doomed to repeat…edly explain to their sweetheart why they felt the need to Google “Two Girls, One Cup” more than once in their lifetime.
I can hear the lovely sound of passwords changing already.
-Millsy F.
The iOpener looks like a plastic case with a bottle opener latched on the back, but the implementation is a bit more polished. Its made from plastic polycarbonate/ABS alloy which lets it stay light in the pocket but hardbody enough to pop a cap right off (although remember: real men should be able to do this with ANY solid object). The bottle opener even retracts into the case when you don’t need it don’t want to look like a booze hound anytime you make a phone call or send a text. And speaking of the opener, its made from 14 gauge, 304 food grade stainless steel with a special finish that lets it shine without adding flaky materials like chrome.
But the “wait! There’s more!” of this come in the form of the built in accelerometer within the case, which detects when the opener is extended, flipped on it’s side and moved fast enough to open a bottle cap. It then launches a free app called BevConX which’ll ask you to log what brew you just cracked from a list of over 1200 options. You can then share on social networks, track drunkness progress, etc, etc. You get the idea.
However, it’s only available for the iPhone 3G and 3GS, but if you haven’t upgraded yet, you can snag one here for $29.99.
-MillsyF
We know 2011 has only just begun, but unlike a lot of our homies, we haven’t hit a professional sporting event yet this year. Anyone who would like to donate some tickets our way, feel free. But what we don’t miss about watching games from the couch is the long-ass lines to get a beverage in a stadium. Meet the Bottoms Up Draft Beer Dispensing System
Promoted as the World’s fastest beer dispensing system, this innovation in pouring technology is looking to seriously change the beer pouring game by eliminating the pour all together. Using a magnet, beer can be shot into the cup from the bottom and then sealed off once the perfect quantity has been reached, foam head included. Based on the video, you can see the “pours” are pretty consistent, with little spillage and waste. While I won’t hold my breath waiting for this to pop up in TD Bank North Garden, extra points go to the first frat house to get one of these for casual use.
(shouts to RDC for sending this in)
-MillsyF
With Tron Legacy only a few months away, we’ve never been more disappointed in our inability to engage in semi-virtual, ultra-high speed motorcycle chases in 3D landscapes. See below:
Well, we’re not quite there yet, but the good folks at Cyglo have gotten us one step closer with the Cyglo Tyre.
Created by embedding high-powered colorful LED bulbs into the walls and treads of a bicycle tire, the Cyglo Tyre is one of the last pieces of innovation stopping yuppies from donning light up spandex suits and chasing each other through the neighborhood on bicycles, throwing glow-in-the-dark frisbees at one another. Are YOU excited yet?
The LEDs have locomotion sensors, so they light up once you get the peddling, and they can be set to strobe or shine constantly. The company aims to promote safety for cyclists through heightened visibility to other folks on the road. Frankly, we’re less excited about safety, and more excited about playing Tron. Real Light Cycles are way too dangerous and putting light up tires on a bicycle is better for the environment anyway. Now all we need is for someone to invent a glow-in-the-dark Frisbee that kills people, or at least stuns them to the point of temporary paralysis on contact and we’re good to go!
-MillsyF
(via nocot)
One of the reasons summer nights in
the city are great is because you can walk everywhere. Several years back, I was leaving a bar in New York with some pals on a balmy night. Rather than hit the subway, we decided to trek back. However along the way I began to sense pressure on the dam. With no porta potty in site, I took a quick detour into a dimly lit alleyway to empty the reservoir. I found a nice, dry area of wall to do the honors and away I went, painting the brick with a masterpiece of urination as I swayed back and forth that Michelangelo or Ramon from Beat Street would’ve been proud of. My moment of artistic brilliance was interrupted by a mysterious voice coming from the shadows.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Being the candid and curious citizen that I am, I answered and countered with a question of my own.
“I’m taking an (expletive) piss, guy. What does it look like I’m (expletive) doing?”
When he emerged, our shadow friend, with his shiny badge and loaded firearm, wasn’t as charmed by my crude honesty or the fact that I was breaking the law. For my troubles I was given a $50 citation. Modest, but clearly avoidable. ANY sensible person can see that I was clearly a victim of our complete lack of infrastructure here in the United States, insofar as not having enough public urinals to relieve oneself. God bless theyuppiedilemma.com for allowing a platform to be a voice of the people and move this country forward. Because while we’re peeing against buildings like savages in the stone age, folks across the pond are using UriLift urinals that rise out of the freaking ground at night!
It’s that time of year ladies and gentleman. And no, not tax season. However, if you’ve gotten your refund back I bet I can guess where part of that dough went. Yes folks, it’s Girl Scout cookie season, and I know your snack-loving asses have probably already blown half a paycheck on a stockpile. The cookies, which have been around for almost 100 years are now a $700 million business. The Scouts have personified the model of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” selling cookies door-to-door using that oh-so-familiar order form and their painfully cute little smiles, always seeming to be missing a baby tooth in the front. Well, start your web browsers, because in 2010 the Girls Scouts are getting those computers ‘putin.
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Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Dilemma, Girl Scout cookies, Health Care, internet, Obama, Snacks on snacks, technology
Change is a strange concept in the yuppie universe. In one aspect, change 
incredibly necessary in our everyday lives. For example, at commercial break during Jeopardy, we change the channel to TBS to catch a quick chuckle from the Seinfeld re-run airing at the same time (naturally). Or, when happy hour is over I change over to Maker’s Mark from beer. Or when we come across a fella down on his luck who could use some help, we reach into our pea coat pockets and offer some change. Simple things, but things that make sense. However, when Facebook decides to change, its a different story, and I’m going to explain why Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Dilemma, facebook, internet, redesign, technology, yuppie
Today marked the opening day of what is essentially the Pro-Bowl of yuptivists around the world. You guessed it: TED conference 
2010 began today, and while we at tyd.com haven’t gotten a chance to go over all the talks, you best believe we will be tingling with yuppie excitement recapping the knowledge bombs of the day. CHUUUUUCH!
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