As much as it shames me, I really can’t deny how susceptible I am to clever marketing. But if you look past the embarrassment of the disappointment when the ads don’t always deliver, getting sucked in now and again is usually harmless. Back in high school, the paradisaical image of beautiful 12th grade tarts chasing me down the locker-lined hallways suckered me into buying Axe body spray deodorant far-too-many times. More recently, I have a friend who swears by the cold-activated blue mountains on Coors light bottles, and after being duped far-too-many times into mistakenly thinking that a beer was cold based on the temperature of the bottle, I have decided to side with my buddy and conclude that the people at Coors are engineering geniuses. Child victims of landmine ketchup packets are a bit different though, I must admit.
I’m ready to eat my delicious burger and fries, about to rip open a packet of tomato jam to douse my fries with, when suddenly I am hit with the image of a playful innocent youth getting his or her leg blown to smithereens while they play a game of freeze tag on an abandoned mine field. This is problematic for a couple of reasons. The first, is now I am gripped with feelings of yuppie-humanitarian-inadequacy, and suddenly my canned foods that I donate during Thanksgiving and my weekends spent volunteering at the old folks home seem insufficient. I now feel an ironic sense guilt and shame as I play minesweeper on my computer when my boss isn’t around. The second problem is now I do not want to eat my overpriced burger because the thought of losing a limb in a violent accident caused by a deadly, orphaned, military booby-trap is the farthest thing from appetizing. Like I said, I am a sucker for advertising and so if these packets are supposed to inspire me to check out the Campaign Against Landmines website, it is wildly successful. However, I have a feeling restaurants will be very hesitant to gives Heinz the boot for these cleverly powerful PSA condiment packets. Lord only knows what effect could be achieved with mustard.
Or even pickled relish.
Ok, this post is over.